i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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