Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize