I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
