I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
