One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
