Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.

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(+35): View more from

i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.

(864): View more from South Carolina

And I meant every ounce of it.

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(210): View more from Texas

Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...

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(406): View more from Montana

I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies

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(908): View more from New Jersey

The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.

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