"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize