And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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