I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
