Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
