What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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