im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
