Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
