OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
