Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
