Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
