i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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