It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
