Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
