I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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