I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well I just put wine in my tea
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
