Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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