every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
