im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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