Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
