Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
