I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
