It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
