but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize