Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
