Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
