my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
