I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
