friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
