You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
