I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
