I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
