I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
