In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
