my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
