I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
