The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
