I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
