I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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