as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
