So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize