please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
