bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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