Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
