If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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