my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
