Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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