Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
