ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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