I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
