Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
