he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish I only lived at night.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
