they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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