Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
