The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's blow job season.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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