yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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