Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
