Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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