chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
