My hand turned me down
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
