Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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