so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
