how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
