upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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