i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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