need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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