Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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