I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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