go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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