the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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