I'm eating all of the evidence.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
